It was one of those challenging days in my quest for seeking clarity. I struggled immensely to pull myself out of bed, remaining cocooned in my blankets for longer than usual. My body ached, and hunger went to extremes before I finally mustered the energy to get up and have something to eat.
Making sense of anything felt like solving an intricate puzzle, and the process seemed never-ending. It took me a whopping two hours just to convince myself to step into the shower. Deep down, I knew I had to venture out of the house to find some solace, so I decided to go for a walk around the pond.
As I strolled along the path, I had a lot of questions running through my mind. Did I move countries only to get depressed again? Will I ever feel better again or is this a life statement? All I had were questions but no answers.
After completing my 7,000 steps, I returned home for dinner and then took the family out to some quality time at Tim’s. Being around loved ones provided a much-needed respite from the inner turmoil.
Later in the evening, I decided to unwind with a movie on Amazon Prime, opting for “A Million Miles Away.” It seemed like a promising watch. However, just as I settled in, a friend came to pick me up for a drive.
The drive was an unspoken gift. We cruised around, not always exchanging words but finding comfort in each other’s presence. Sometimes, all we need is that subtle reminder of human connection to alleviate the weight of depression.
It was challenging, but in small moments of connection and reflection, I found glimmers of hope amidst the fog of uncertainty.
Once again, struggled to get out of bed in the morning. I have noticed that mastering your morning is the real challenge. Anyway today was a bit different because I had to go out and get a new laptop for myself. Since my job has ended I have to return back my work laptop.
I had already researched on the kind of laptop I wanted. Since I am venturing into Data Analytics, I had one in mind that would be able to run all the relevant applications.
I finally got this one from Best Buy: https://www.lenovo.com/us/en/p/laptops/loq-laptops/lenovo-loq-15aph8/82xt001tus?orgRef=https%253A%252F%252Fwww.google.com%252F
This is one of the heaviest laptops I have ever owned but since I am going for something new altogether I hope that its worth it.
Since getting up in morning is really challenging, I am trying something different for tomorrow. I have set an alarm for 8 am and by 9:30 am I should be ready and headed out for a public library where I am going to research what I am going to study next and meanwhile some ways I can earn an income online.
I am sleeping earlier tonight and expect to be up as scheduled!
Here is a link to Day 5: https://reasonstolivefor.com/my-depression-journal/