I am being consistent with my depression journal by making sure to post one everyday. Compared to the past four days, today unfolded with a much smoother rhythm. The morning sun gently roused me from slumber, and instead of indulging in extended bouts of overthinking beneath my sheets, I summoned the strength to rise and embrace my morning routine.
Breakfast was a modest affair, consisting of toasted bread adorned with a layer of jam and butter, accompanied by a warm cup of tea. Although I couldn’t help but feel that this meal wasn’t entirely filling, I reminded myself of the importance of persevering until my appetite gradually adjusts to these new habits. One of the following days I will go out to get some stuff for breakfast as well and mentioning it here in my depression journal so it can serve as a reminder.
Given that it was Friday, I embarked on my customary pilgrimage to the place of solace and reflection – the prayer hall. Here, I implored for the strength to endure the emotional pain I currently find myself navigating. With a heart heavy with burden but hopeful for a better future, I returned to my humble abode.
Determined to seek avenues of support for my employment situation, I made my way to yet another employment agency. Their response, however, was laced with anticipation as they informed me that they would revert with their decision in the coming week, courtesy of an impending long weekend.
The day’s highlight awaited me at 6 pm – a scheduled gym session with my dedicated trainer. The countdown indicated that I had 14 more sessions before venturing forth on my own. Sensing a slight improvement in my mood, I requested him for a challenging workout. Seeing my readiness, my trainer led me through an intense regimen that encompassed a medley of bodyweight exercises, including mountain climbers, pushups, and planks, culminating in core-strengthening exercises. By the conclusion of our session, I was left physically drained but emotionally uplifted, basking in the gratification of pushing my limits.
Post-gym rituals led me to a familiar spot, where I indulged in a delightful treat – a Boston Cream Donut from Tims. It was during this pause that I took to my depression journal once more. I’ve come to realize the paramount importance of allocating time for journaling daily, even on days when the motivation to do so is far from natural. Writing has become my anchor, grounding me in a sea of thoughts and emotions.
A thought-provoking passage from the pages of “Reasons to Stay Alive” resonated deeply with me today: “The more you research the science of depression, the more you realize it is still more characterized by what we don’t know than what we do. It is 90 percent mystery.” These words serve as an important reminder of the enigmatic nature of depression, a condition I continue to grapple with daily.
Come evening time, I decided to capitalize on the Friday night bustle and secured a few Uber rides, connecting with people in transit. The fleeting encounters provided a glimpse into the lives of others, a reminder of the vast spectrum of human experiences. Headed home a little late in night and concluded my day with a well deserved dinner!
Tried a meditation out which actually made me feel better, I believe it’s just trial and error. Here is what I tried: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv-ejEOogaA
Reflecting upon today’s journey, I am reminded that recovery is far from linear. Each day brings its own unique set of challenges and triumphs. It’s essential to cherish the moments of progress, no matter how incremental they may seem, and to persevere through the times when the shadows of depression loom large. That is the end for my depression journal for the day.
You can revisit yesterday’s entry here: https://reasonstolivefor.com/managing-depression-my-recovery-journey-day-4/
I understand we all have our own unique experiences so feel free to share whatever works for you in the comments below.