Some days into a major depressive episode, I thought to order Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig on Amazon. Although I have read it once, ordered it again because it really puts things into perspective. Thanks to Amazon it got to me in two days – quick quick delivery.
Reasons to stay alive
I distinctly remember how this self-help book profoundly impacted me the last time I read it, and its messages continue to resonate with me as a person dealing with depression. It’s as if I’m reading something that speaks directly to my innermost thoughts and emotions.
Let me take this opportunity to reflect on my day as an individual dealing with depression. Last night I was feeling under the weather which prompted me to take nighttime Advil and a sleep aid to help me get some much-needed rest. In my mind, I was playing the scenario where I would jump out of bed as soon as the alarm rang. DO NOT HIT SNOOZE, open the curtains, head to the washroom to change out of night clothes – I kept repeating this to myself.
The alarm never went off, by the time I could wake up and check my phone, it was afternoon. Unfortunately, this combination caused me to sleep for a whopping 10 hours (definitely not recommended for anyone struggling with depression). While I did wake up feeling marginally better, I soon found myself overcome by drowsiness, lacking the motivation to engage in much of anything.
I’ve been making a conscious effort to connect with the outside world as much as possible as part of my journey toward managing depression (also one of the major reasons to stay alive). In pursuit of this goal, I ventured out to have my car’s oil replaced, recognizing the importance of even small tasks for my mental well-being. Jiffylube, known for its excellent service during my previous visit, was my destination once again.
The entire process typically takes about 15 minutes, and during my visit, one of their staff members identified a crack on my windshield. To my surprise, they offered to repair it free of charge. I was intrigued by this and inquired further. The staff member informed me that such repairs are usually covered by car insurance, though most people are often unaware of this fact.
After taking care of my car, I decided to drive for Uber for a few hours before returning home to have dinner. Engaging in this type of work helps me maintain a sense of purpose and connection with the world, which can be challenging otherwise. It was important for me to share my thoughts and experiences here, as I believe that discussing depression openly is crucial for raising awareness and offering support to others facing similar challenges.
Before ending this post, I am sharing an excerpt here from Reasons To Stay Alive that hits home!
“Bad days come in degrees. They are not all equally bad. And the really bad ones, though horrible to live through, are useful for later. You store them up. A bank of bad days. The day you had to run out of the supermarket. The day you were so depressed your tongue wouldn’t move. The day you made your parents cry. The day you nearly threw yourself off a cliff.
So if you are having another bad day you can say, Well, this feels bad, but there have been worse. And even when you can think of no worse day – when the one you are living is the very worst there has ever been – you at least know the bank exists and that you have made a deposit.”
Head over to read about my entry from yesterday: https://reasonstolivefor.com/uplifting-morning-routine-recovery-day-2/