This question has been bugging me since long and finally I have decided to research and write about it. Basically what I found out was that our insecurities didn’t grow overnight. They have been brewing since long and it’s only when they alter our behavior when we stop and realize: what exactly went wrong?
The most common reason is childhood trauma. If you had been told something over and over again e.g you’re not good enough, you are shy etc. Chances are that you end up buying into it. This translates into an insecurity in your later stages of life.
Secondly, it’s the constant negative self talk. It’s like a monster who wants to be fed and the more you feed it the bigger it grows. Which is why you should be very mindful of how you address yourself. I am always interested in giving out actionable points so here are some:
1- First of all start writing all your negative self talk in second person. Example instead of writing I am a failure, I am too scared write you are a failure, you are too afraid. Soon you will start noticing that you can separate yourself from these labels that your mind embosses on you.
2- Highlight your strength, repeat them in your mind, infront of the mirror and ultimately start introducing yourself using your strengths for instance I would say I am kind, caring, helpful, future looking, strong willed and a good listener. The idea is to repeat this enough times that you start believing in it.
3- Stop looking for external validation. Personally I get very motivated when my boss praises me in work groups and emails. And although there is no harm in that, but I should be confident enough in my skills and talent that they keep me motivated at all times: even when performance or statistics don’t support the same.
4- Battle your fear of failure daily and kill it!
Ask yourself: what’s the worse that could happen? Whenever faced with challenges, when anxiety hits the roof, I ask myself this question and the answer always remains the same: it’s not or will not be the end of the world. There are many other jobs to do, many other countries to visit, many other things to learn, many other careers to pursue- the options are limitless!
5- Stop chasing perfectionism. Let’s face it: No one is perfect. We all have our good and bad side and if we focus on the good long enough, chances are that the bad may be minimized. Again speaking of actionable points: do proofread your emails or assignments- but just twice, not 5 times!
-Point is to get the message across in communication, if your message can be deciphered by the other person easily then consider it a job well done.
-Give it your best, sometimes even your best may fall short but still you would know you did everything you could.
-A job finished is always a job well done than work in progress, always remember!!
So free yourself from the burden of your own insecurities. Our time in this world is limited: do you want to waste a lot of it overthinking and going through negativity over and over again? Or do you want to create history, do good work, fast work, and lots of work!! The choice is yours and trust me it really is a choice ?