Starting a new job (again)

I will be listing down the horrors and hopes of starting a new job. It has been over 6 months since I had been unemployed. It is like the same cycle happening over and over again.

Get a job, start working with excitement and energy soon before depression and anxiety kicks in and lets you know that you cannot function like a normal human being. That you cannot keep a job for long and get going just like everyone else does. Basically negative thoughts, self doubt and all that jazz.

I have been a victim of this cycle for numerous times now. However the last time I had quit (6 months back), I truly gave up. I made a promise to myself that I will not get up again, I will not fight anymore, I will not expect things to get better because to be honest what is the point? When I know I will end up in the same hole no matter what I do?

Even writing about it reminds me that was one of the darkest times and the funny thing about the darkest time is that you think it cannot get any darker than this. And then it happens again and you say oh I was wrong the last time. This is why documenting everything is so important for me, I can always go back to an older post and say hah! you were wrong.

Anyway moving on over the months I got bored of being sad. I got bored of being depressed. I got bored of social isolation. I got bored of being bored. And this was a good enough reason to make change happen (once again?). Doing the same thing and expecting different results does not make sense. Hence I had to make mental notes and this written note on what I would do for the slightest hope of having different results?

To start off with, this time I got a night job. The battle with sleep issues goes on so why not put the night time to good use. I will be getting done around 7 am in the morning when I plan on having a fulfilling breakfast. Followed by which I will be hitting the gym. A 10 hour work shift followed by an hour of workout would definitely put me to sleep because if this does not then I do not know what will. How I wish sleeping was not as complicated as it has become for me.

This would be the basic routine however there are some essentials that I cannot miss. In fact I should keep reminding myself that if I miss any of these I am bound to go back to the same hole that I dread so much. Let me give you a visual depiction of what the hole looks like

Conclusion
Yeah so these essentials include praying, reading everyday for at least 10 minutes, continuing therapy sessions and taking my medicine. And MOST importantly to mention what motivated me to get a job, write a blog, save money- my dream of flying in the skies of Cappadocia in a hot balloon.

It is very important to have something that keeps us going. Basically our reason to get up in the morning. Whenever I am down I shall envision myself in a hot balloon like the one below

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Here is a more positive update on the job situation: https://reasonstolivefor.com/making-it-happen/

Let me know in comments about your thoughts whenever you start a new job. And if these are not positive ones, how do you overcome them?